Dating A Single Parent Can Be Complicated

If you are just embarking on a new relationship with someone who has children from another relationship, you certainly will want to approach this situation differently than those you have been involved in previously. When dating someone who doesn't have children, most often that individual is primarily concerned with their own feelings and how a relationship would affect his or her life. When dating someone with children, however, things are different and often more complicated. A single person who has children is often more concerned about their children's well-being and welfare than his or her own, and this can truly add some complicated dimensions to the relationship.

There are some things to keep in mind as you embark on this dating journey together, and following these tips can help you to pave the way for a healthy, happy single parent dating relationship:

Trust Is Key

The unfortunate truth is that many singles are really turned off by the prospect of dating someone with kids, and so it is understandable that your new partner would be reluctant to bring up the fact that he or she has children at first. While to you it may seem like an incredibly important detail, many singles with children prefer to not overwhelm someone with this detail on a first or even second date.

However, he or she has now let you in on this very important detail, and you will find that how you handle this new piece of information is key to the future of the relationship. Essentially, you have been provided with a private and very important piece of information about him or her, and your response to learning this information will set the tone for the future of the relationship. In fact, how you respond will lay the foundation for trust and developing open lines of communication going forward.

Timing Is Important

Just because you have been trusted with this important detail about your new partner's life, however, doesn't mean that he or she is ready to introduce you to the whole family just yet. Many people in a similar situation often feel slighted if their new partner isn't ready to introduce them to the kids, but you should understand that this decision is often based more on the children rather than about your own relationship.

It is understandable that he or she may not want to introduce you to them until your relationship has been solidified and has some appearance of having a future. Yet even if you have a solid relationship in place, the kids may simply not be ready to meet a new love interest in their parent's life. This is especially true if they are still reeling from the break-up of their parents.

Acing The First Meeting

The initial meeting with your partner's kids can be very stressful for everyone involved. It can help you to make the event more pleasant by taking time to learn more about the kids up-front. Ask your partner what they like and don't like, what sports they play or what their interests are in school or outside of school. These can serve as great conversation starters to fill some of that awkward silence that is bound to occur after introductions have been made.

However, you should also avoid trying too hard to be their friend. Kids in almost any situation really feel uncomfortable sitting down and having a conversation with someone they don't know, and so even asking them questions about their interests can be awkward for them. It may be best to meet them in a more active setting for the first time, such as in a park, a bowling alley, or some other active environment where the focus isn't purely on conversation.

Show Respect

It can take some time to really develop a solid relationship with your partner's children. You will find, though, that the path to developing that relationship will be far easier for you to travel when you make a concerted effort to show respect for their family unit. To a child, especially one who has just gone through a divorce or the break-up of his or her parents, those little things like the tradition of a pancake breakfast on Sunday mornings or going out to eat at a favorite restaurant for getting good grades on a report card are very important. Respecting these traditions can be crucial. You may be invited to participate in some of these small family traditions over time, but avoid feeling put off if you aren't invited into these special family moments right from the start.

More than that, however, is the fact that a child will pick up quickly on any apparent disrespect you show to the parent or to them, whether intentional or not. So you should try to gauge your actions and words carefully and see them through the eyes of the child to ensure that he or she can tell that you do care for your new partner fully and that you respect the relationship between the parent and the child. You should not give the indication that you want to interfere in that relationship, as that can really cause some turmoil in the child and in the child's relationship with his or her parent.

You will find that dating someone who has children from a previous relationship can truly be complicated on many different levels. However, children do add incredible dimensions to your life, and you will find getting to know the children who mean so much to the new partner in your life can really enhance your life and your new relationship, too. This article has identified some of the common pitfalls to avoid when meeting and getting to know your partner's children, and these tips can help to guide you through this critical point in your relationship with greater ease.

Add Your Experiences

Share your own experiences and tips for dating someone with children in the comments section below.

About The Author

Sarah T. Connor is a reputable Internet dating safety advocate who enjoys participating in free dating chat forums. She holds a Bachelor of Science degree from the University of Maryland, and publishes a 100% free online dating service Free-Date.net; an online dating site for single parents.